Dusty dusty

Oh my, its getting dustier in here.
Its been awhile since I lash out in this baby blog.
Hi dearies, how are you guys doin?
*hugs*
I know, I should have updated this blog but hey, I was tooo
damn preoccupied with books and cases ya knw. Cant blame me for studying
in one of the most prestigious law faculty in malaysia. Its making me all grumpy and old *yaiks!*
Its stressful being me.
Its stressful to fulfill the same dream I shared with pa & ma.
So stressful. Darn.

So here goes, updates:

1. Examination


 SUCKS BIG TIME!

I failed like whaddd, 2 papers??!! *what an achievement I must say*
*hits forehead with a hammer, not literally la aiyo*
I failed in criminal law and constitutional law. 2 freagin hard subjects. Its confirmed that I ll repeat criminal law
in my 3rd year. To be honest, I just dont knw whether I can survive for next sem. Not to forget, I've failed my constitutional law paper as well. *slaps forehead harder* Sedangkan subjek wajib pn x terbawa. Mcm mna la pulak nak repeat subjek2 tu sume next sem and ditambah pula dgn core subjects yg sedia ada? MATI WOIHH. Aku ni da la sedia lembap. Nk baca satu kes and nk cari principles satu2 kes tu pn berabad baru boleh detect. Ni kan pulak nk kena repeat blek kan? But wattodo. Nasib badan. Now I just felt empty. Neither happy nor sad. Just empty. Like u have this one hole, tried to cover it up by sumbatkan mcm2 bnda dlm hole tu, tp it just wont fit. And the hole is getting wider each second. (apa aku merepek ni?)  *sigh. Dah la things happened already. Just proceed with 3rd yr and see wht hppns. For now, I just cant predict what future has for me. Like seriously. Buta2 je aku masuk 3rd yr nnti. Dulu aku ada perception yg sape fail, dia tu pemalas/x pandai. Now hamek kauu, aku sndiri yg fail. Mksudnya aku ni pemalas/x pandai la kan. Hmm. Karma la ni. Hahaha. Karma is a bitch. Now its hunting me down, and it succeed to lure me into the dip hole shit. Aku kecundang. Terbunuh. Enough bout this, see ya next sem consti law n crmnl law. Pls b nice to me :(

P.s: Dlm byk2 kawan, yg betul2 try nk happy kn aku wktu aku sedih gilaaa fail papers tu, Eyha la. I'm sorry if I've ever made u feel like that. I xde niat pn. Just keadaan yg buat I mcm ni. Lama2 I ok la. Yeah? Lebiu.


2. FAMILY

Same old same old. Nothings changed. Ma with her own depression. Pa with his anger and unpredictable behavior. Azim busy with his work till he doesnt even hv time for fmly nymore, not like he used to :(. Haziq with his futsal. Luckily, Baby Qish is getting clever by day, she's so witty and chatty. I thot she's a 5 yrs old girl (padahal, baru 3 tahun, ckp mcm bertih jagung. Ok, aku rindu dia hmm). Everytin is just the same. Not getting any better I must say. But hey, life goes on. Kan? Dah terbiasa da :)


3. LOVE/FRIENDSHIP

Tak pernah pun aku rasa bnda2 jiwang spt yg tertera dlm subtitle di ats tuuuu. Haha. In fact, aku x percaya dgn sume tu. You know what, aku mmg admit, aku ada trust issues with men. Yeahhh, with what I've been thru with my fmly, taught me a lot bout men. How I should not trust em in anyways. How shouldnt I give my whole heart to a creature called as man. Tp lately ni, keadaan makin berubah. There's this 1 guy, let us call him as Mr. N. He came into my life as a friend. In fact, till now, he is a friend and a good one. He treated me not like other guys b4 this. Semua laki yg dtg dlm hidup aku sblm ni, x prnh nya serius. Sume nya nak main2 je. And I hate bein a toy to a guy. Cz I'm not. Wtv happens in my life and in my beloved besties lives, byk mengajar aku ttg hidup. Ttg perhubungan. Sume tu buat aku betul2 trauma utk berada dlm r/ship. But, ths guy, Mr.N seems different. He's nice. He's not like others. Tp baru lg kenal kan? X boleh nk terus ckp he's nice. Amy slalu ckp, bila lg u nk stay single ifa? X semudah tu amy. Nak tahu knp selama ni aku x prnh ada perhubungan dgn mana2 laki selain masalah trust issue aku tu? Do u want to know the reason? Sbbnya:

• i'm not pretty
• i'm not tall
• i'm not skinny
• i'm not fair
• i'm not clever like other girls out there
• my life is not as pretty as other girls
• my family is not like others (unique in a sense)
• low self esteem
• i'm not rich
• i can't afford to go on vacations like my friends did
• i don't even have a single penny
• my family members hate each other
• i'm a barbaric (kasar gila x reti nk lembut2)
• i'm a hot tempered person
• and the list goes on.................................

If me myself have a hard time to accept MYSELF, my weaknesses. Than how on earth wud there be a man, yg dpt terima aku yg ada berjuta2 kekurangan ni? He can get even better one out there dan semestinya bkn aku. Cuba habaq sat kt aku. Betoi dak? Haha. *emo screamo la ang ni ifaM* 

For now, scra jujurnya, I'm not gona put any high hopes with Mr.N or any other guys. I ll be friends with em. I ll be there for em if when they are at their lowest point of their life. Cz I knw, aku ni layak jd kwn shj. And if that can make anyone happy. I ll be happy as well.

:)

Regards,

IfaM