2011 had taught me a lot about life. Through out this year,
I've found love, I lost friends, I made enemies.
But most importantly, the most painful experience ever that
I've been through in the year of 2011 was that there's no such thing as real friends.
This post is specially dedicated for You. I know you are not reading this.
But somehow, I need to pour my heart out. Since no one knows bout the existence of this blog,
I think this is the perfect venue to vent and scream my lungs out.
Dear E,
I'm frustrated with you.
Somehow I wonder how could you be so heartless without having any empathy at times.
1 thing yang I terasa gila dgn u, was the fact that you tak amik initiative
lgsg utk tahu kenapa I marah sgt dgn you.
YES, indeed, you mmg ada apologize kt I. I wont deny that.
But somehow, I rasa apology u tu just to stop pergaduhan kita.
bukan utk menyelesaikan issue(s) antara kita berdua.
It all started masa camping COP ke PD tu. Sbnrnya, incident I marah kt PD tu was just a mere catalyst.
I da lama simpan, makan hati dgn you. Bila I keluarkan 1 je statement saying that I don't have any clique/gang
mcm gang 12th/HP tu, you terasa hati plak and retaliate that you thought all this while, it was just 2 of us.
When you said that, I realized the fact that you were ignorant.
Betapa lainnya apa yg u buat dgn apa yg u ckp. If its always been the 2 of us,
kenapa selalu I ditinggalkan bila you ada gang lain?
kenapa I selalu dibiarkan terkontang-kanting?
Mungkin you x sedar, but all this while, I slalu kena tggl dgn you.
You know kan, how dependent nya I
dgn you. Bila you left me alone, sumpah I lost.
You nak bukti?
Yg dlu2 tu biarkan je lah, I mls nk fikir dah
Tp yg paling recent you buat kt I masa seminggu before kita pergi camping COP.
2 kali u left me out all alone on the same week.
Siapa tak terasa bila you pergi movie dgn ur clique and outta sudden tbe2 i got to know that
rupa2nya, movie session tu org lain pn join sama. Boleh dikatakan most of our closed batch mates pergi tgk.
Going to the movie tu wasn't the main issue. Tp the real issue was that; you taw I duduk luar and I depend
solely on you. You should have taken the alternatives of including me in your activities as well.
Sbb usually I akn dpt taw events sume thru twitter ke or gambar2 kt FB.
2nd incident plak, masa Mock Trial UiTM. I kena tinggal bulat2 mcm tu je.
I x kisah psl org lain x ajk I pegi sana. Sbb mmg xde sape pn yg tnya kt I
whether I'm going or not.
Tp you lgsg x tnya I whether I'm goin or not to that event. Ye laaa, you
kan ada gang2 you yg dah belikan tix and secured a seat for you. Buat apa la you nk fikirkan psl I kan.
Ye dak?
You know what, utk dptkan tix mock tu, sgt lah sng, i boleh beli bila2 masa i nk.
Tp i nk tgk, you ada x initiative nk include kan skali I dlm activity you since you ckp all this while
its always been the 2 of us kan?
But apparently, you didn't.
I was left all alone at the college feeling like a total loser. Semua org pergi mock trial tu.
Including T. Dekat 12th sendiri sume xde sbb pergi sana.
But me?
Since I xde sape yg ajak, so why bother going kan?
So I was left alone in ur room.
I terasa hati sgt2 dgn you.
Bkn sbb x pergi event tu;
tp sbb bila you dah ada gang you, I akn ditinggalkan sendirian sama ada you perasan atau x
which I yakin you x perasan pn I terasa hati dgn you.
Ptg tu I thot nk dinner, pastu tgk2 xde sape pn kt 12th yg boleh temankan pegi dinner.
Semua pergi Mock and I sorang je yg tinggal kt 12th waktu tu.
Bkn I x boleh pergi cafe sorang2, tp disbbkan terkenang kena tggl kt 12th buat I sedih gila.
I cried until I slept.
Bila terjaga I lapar gila. And I BBM-ed N saying that I lapar.
He asked me, xkan xde sorang pn kwn I kt 12th tu yg boleh temankan I pergi mkn.
So I told him bout what
happened & dia terkejut yg semua kwn2 I tgglkan I.
Because nk amek hati I and xnak I rasa diri I ni loser gila mcm xde kwn,
he dtg and bawak I pergi supper.
You xtaw sume ni kan? You assumed everytin was all right since beginning kan?
Am I right, ms E?
Yeah, I know, somehow, msti u terasa burden kan. Ssh lah ada kwn yg duduk luar ni.
Xkan la nk kena inform every events yg ada kt dia?
Yes, I know that.
Semua org rapat dgn you. You ada ramai kwn rapat. That's why you xkan ketinggalan dlm apa2.
But as for me, semenjak I duduk luar ni, I mmg byk ketinggalan dgn korang.
So source of reliance I is only you. No one else.
Silap I adalah sbb terlalu rely on you. Smpaikan I xde kwn rapat yg lain. Except for M, J & N.
You plak berbeza dgn I, you rmi gila kwn rapat.
Bila you gaduh dgn I, you tell everyone else. You taw, I x cite pn kita gaduh ni dgn sesape pn.
Except for N & J.
Even M pn tataw. But apparently you told everyone about our fight.
why?
Masa awl2 kita balik frm camping, kenapa K boleh taw psl our fight?
because she asked me; "eh, kau still gaduh dgn E ke?"
I was stunned at that moment.
How come she knew about our fight sbb baru lg kot kita gaduh?
Mesti some1 bgtaw dia bout our fight.
I was hoping that wtv dissatisfaction that we have between the two of us would stay between of us.
Its ok kalau u nk cite dgn your bf ke apa to vent out. But definitely x to some1 yg like K.
In fact, I rasa you x perlu kot nk cerita dkt C/S jugak.
because once korang dah berpakat, you akn talk behind my back
like the day yg you twit publicly and ganged up with S. Both of you twit
like there's nobodies business. You cite psl dissatisfaction you dkt I to the public.
Smpikan public could make assumptions & bad speculations bout me.
Its as if, you were the victim and I was the bad monster.
Apa tu? Apa yg you cuba buat? Pls tell me.
I tak faham and I xkan pernah fhm. Sbb if I gadoh dgn you, I ll keep it to myself. And I wont make it public.
Maybe it's ur way of letting things out, but I definitely don't like how you handle our fights
via public.
And because of that, now, people would assume that, now I have a bf, I lupa kan kwn.
I tgglkan you.
Tp tu sume x benar.
I yg jahat dlm cite ni.
You know what,
It was just so happened that N now is my bf.
At least, now I have some1 beside you to vent out
& whenever you decide that you wanted to be heartless and leave me alone all by myself,
at least, I can rely on him. Xde la sakit sgt mcm dulu.
Masa you jd heartless dgn I sbb marah psl I pinjam dress you utk pergi our fac's dinner.
Kalau u perasan la, you mmg heartless gila at that time.
I ditinggalkan terkontang kanting sorang2.
You ignored me.
You didn't talk to me.
You acted as if, I'm nothing to you for almost 1 week.
If you were in my shoes, yg mmg kwn I you je at that time,what would you feel?
Masa tu, I xde sape2. I xde N.
My family was broken upside down.
And you did that to me.
Because of what? Because, you skt hati tgk gmbr2 dinner yg I pakai dress you.
You skt hati sbb you tgk me and our friends go lepak tmpt lain sume after dinner tu.
Kalau I taw, you x ikhlas pinjamkan I dress tu, I xkan pinjam frm you.
I x sdr dgn meminjam dress tu would make you sakit hati after that.
I should have wore anytin beside your dress that night.
And starting from there on, everytin changes. *sigh*
I thot we were like sisters already.
Haihh.
Kalau nk diikutkan byk lg yg I nak tulis kt sini. Tp I rasa cukup lah kot.
I taw I byk terhutang budi dgn you.
Sbb you byk tlg I in terms of study and tumpangkan bilik.
I really appreciate all that.
Maybe I should just pendam perasaan I & terima je apa yg berlaku mcm selalu I buat
sebelum ni. Tp at a point of time, I da x sanggup ya see.
I pn ada hati & perasaan juga utk dijaga.
I pn taw rasa sedih & sakit hati jugak bila disakiti.
I pn taw menangis jugak bila org yg kita plg syg sakitkan hati kita.
I dah simpan and pendam benda lama dah. Only now I meletup.
I should have tell you long time ago.
Tp I x reti nk bergadoh.
I x reti nk argue mcm u.
setiap kali kita gaduh, you wont listen to my arguments.
You wont accept my points.
In fact, I rasa my writing dlm blog ni pn entah apa2 entah.
Entah smpi ke x msg yg I cuba smpaikan kt you pn, I sendiri x pasti.
Bila kita gadoh ni, byk lg issue yg timbul slps tu.
Tp cukup lah sekadar ni dlu. At least, you taw la knp I tersangatlah marah dgn you.
Even though, you x amik initiative langsung utk tahu knp I marah u sgt2.
I guess, you let your ego subside everytin else including our friendship ey?
*sigh*
Dear E,
You said, you can't live without me. You said what we have were different when you're with other
closed friends. You said we were sisters.
That's a total lie. You can live perfectly without me.
Kan?
p/s: I'm not ur priority anymore. Admit that. You have other priorities in your mind and I definitely not
included in it anymore.
